Just Trying to Figure Anything Out

Religion has never appealed to me in any way. At the very least, I've never been interested in any of the traditional monotheistic religions. As a young kid, I'd go around saying that I believed in God just because it seemed like something to say, but I had no real comprehension of what God was. I think I was actually 12 or 13 before I became conscientious about the concept of God and what it implied. Neither of my parents are religious, and we never went to church a day in my life. Hence was why it was never something I really pondered before. When I did finally think about it for the first time, I decided that there is no such thing as a superior and omnipotent being that created the universe and life as we know it. I also decided that there is no such thing as Heaven or Hell and that the only place people go when they die is in the ground, an incinerator, the bottom of the ocean, or wherever it is a dead body could possibly end up.

Anywho, with that out of the way, I'd like to get to the real subject matter of this post. The Serenity Prayer, which I think is recited by Christians, maybe others, goes something like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
Courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference

My life has been pretty turbulent for for the last half year or so. I've been in a constant state of struggling as its taken a turn for the worse. Part of, if not all of my trouble stems from my inability to accept the things that I am slowly beginning to realize that I may not be able to change. I've expressed before my lack of faith in establishments, and I constantly play out scenarios in my head where I rail against these establishments when confronted by them. Its never been in my nature to fight or cause any kind of trouble, but when I feel like my principles or beliefs that I fervently cling to are being challenged, I have a hard time sitting back and letting them be trampled. Unfortunately, doing anything else gets me into trouble. So right now, I fritter away my time caught in a rift. I've always wanted to be the guy who is happy in any situation. Kind of like R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The guy is in and out of prison and eventually committed to an asylum just for being a fun-loving, carefree, rowdy individual. Not once does he seem to pay any mind to the fact that there's really no reason he ought to spend a night in jail, let alone in a loony bin. He just smiles and makes the best of whatever situation he is in. That's the guy I want to be, but unfortunately, I get pissed off when shit like that happens to me, and anything I do only exacerbates my misery. Lately, I've actually begun to take comfort in the Serenity Prayer. I leave God out of it, like I do when saying the Pledge of Allegiance, but I don't feel that I compromise its integrity in any way by doing so. For now, I'm going to pretend that everything qualifies as the "things I can not change" and go from there. Hopefully I may gain the wisdom to one day know the difference.

vocab words: fritter and exacerbate(s)